I lOsT mYSeLf

yesterday was kinda boring.. i woke up around 8somethin n my body is aching.. went 4 breakfast n i came back n continue my sleep.. didnt do much yesterday.. fetch thian n jamie at 1.45 n went 2 sunway college 2 pick yt.. its her 1st day of college.. waited 4 awhile in sunway college cos she wasnt out yet.. den we went 2 taylors cos thian wanna sign somethin.. turn few rounds n finally found parking... after we r done in taylors we went 2 McD 4 choco top.. yum~yum~..dis thian so dirty eat until my car also got.. haha.. yt hafta b home by 3somethin so i fetch her home 1st loo... den me thian n jamie went 2 1U 2 help jamie shop 4bag... we couldnt find bag 4 her cos all also not nice or doesnt suit her.. jamie had her hair cut there.. me n thian thinks its nice but jamie think it suck... she keep on pulling her hair dam funny.. me n thian was scolding her... we left 1U around 5.45pm.. i was home just in time 2 watch the tv2 show.. dats about my day lor.. went out 4 dinner n dats all.... mom been weird after coming back from burma...i haven get any scolding from her since she came back.. she talks so polite n gentle.. she also ask me few question n i didnt know how 2 answer.. i nearly cried when she ask me the questions but i didnt... 2day i woke up at 10somethin... plan 2 go help in temple cos i know there is container coming in 2day... kt wants 2 help also so i said oklar so we plan 2 go 2gather.. wash the clothes n folded all the clothes.. cooked lunch 4 bro also...sms su-ann ask her whether she going temple anot den got call from van.. she say no need me 2 help so i just said ok.. told kt dat wun b going temple 2 help 2day.. he said ok also lor.. i can feel dat there is somethin dat is not letting me 2 help in the temple but den i just let the feeling b.. i dun wanna think so much.. van called again around 2somethin.. she told me y she didnt wan me in the temple.. here i know temple needs help but i cant help... i really dunno wat 2 do.. i understands y dis is happening but still its hard 2 control the feeling... i'm haf ntg 2 do in the hse n i am so bored... i know ISD will not b going 2 the temple but yet i cant do anything n i still hafta stay home 2 make sure people in the temple feels secure...things has been so unfair 2 me... its not dat i wanna complaine but if u were in my shoe wat will u do.. dis is not the 1st time such thing happen.. i know its not their fault but den wat about me??i know there is no1 2 blame i'm not gonna blame ISD cos i know y dis happen, i cant blame others 4 it also but if u were me how much can u not care.. how long can u hold on 2 the word let things b 4 the time being... how long can u hold on wif the sentense 'nvm its ok'....i understands y dis is happenning but still i'm just a teenager who wants 2 lead a happy life.. i'm leaving 2 switzerland in 2 months time.. i just wanna spent my time as happy as i can.. i wanna share n spent my time wif people i treasure alot n do things i wanna do but there r always things dat held me back from it.. i dun wanna b upset always... no1 wants 2 b sad or unhappy... i cried again... i lost myself.. i lost the tough me dat can stand still when i face prob.. i become very sensitive 2wards alot of things especially my friendships..i get over sensitive over things which i nv used 2.. i dun like the me now.. i hate who i am now.. i am searching so hard 2 find back myself.. the self dat is full wif confident, strong n cheerful...I WANT MYSELF BACK!!!